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Discussion > Climate Change Christmas Cracker Jokes

There is a room with a climatologist in it, a politician, a denier and all the respondents of a Lewansdowsky poll. How many are there in that room?

97%

Dec 18, 2015 at 3:48 PM | Registered CommenterRadical Rodent

Q: What do you call a climastrologist with an idea?

A: A consensus.

Dec 18, 2015 at 3:58 PM | Registered CommenterRadical Rodent

Q: What do you call a climastrologist with a new idea?

A: An impossibility.

Dec 18, 2015 at 3:58 PM | Registered CommenterRadical Rodent

A group of climate scientists held a party where one of the games was hide and seek. Many are yet to be found, as they went to hide with the heat.

Dec 18, 2015 at 4:02 PM | Registered CommenterRadical Rodent

(Hey! I'm not as bad as some...)

Dec 18, 2015 at 4:03 PM | Registered CommenterRadical Rodent

A group of climate scientists claim the record for the shortest came of Cluedo, like, evah – before the first dice were thrown, they agreed to the consensus that it was the CO2 wot dun it.

Dec 18, 2015 at 4:12 PM | Registered CommenterRadical Rodent

Q: What do you get if you cross a deceit with a survey?

A: A Con-Census.

Dec 18, 2015 at 4:14 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

How many climate scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and the other 97% to support them, even if the bulb doesn’t need changing.

How many climate scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

Don’t be daft, scientists don’t fix things they just demand that someone else does all the work.

How many climate scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they’re confident the light isn’t any different from the past it’s CO2 that’s the problem.

How many climate activists does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh no, the scientists have lost control of the process already.

How many climate activists does it take to change a light bulb?

Thousands need to be flown in from all over the world.

How many climate activists does it take to change a light bulb?

FFS, what’s the sceptic obsession with the lights going out?

Dec 18, 2015 at 4:17 PM | Unregistered CommenterTinyCO2

Q: What do you get if you reverse the null hypothesis?

A: I don't know but if you pay me enough you can have it.

Dec 18, 2015 at 4:18 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

Q: What's the difference between a 'real object' not warming and a 'statistical product of chaotic data manipulation' not warming?

A: Don't know. We can’t account for the lack of warming at the moment and it is a travesty that we can’t.

Dec 18, 2015 at 4:25 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

What do you say when the clarinets and the flutes fail to turn up for the concert?

Never mind, the wind's always blowing somewhere.

Dec 18, 2015 at 5:06 PM | Unregistered CommenterMessenger

Dad: Why did Santa build a snowman?

Daughter: Dad, what's snow?

Dec 18, 2015 at 6:19 PM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar

Climate scientist 1: What is the difference between a climate model and a random guess?

Climate scientist 2: {long pause}

Dec 18, 2015 at 6:23 PM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar

{long pause}

*applause*

Dec 18, 2015 at 6:24 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

Q: What does a climate scientist and a fashion designer have in common?

A: They both dress up models.

Dec 18, 2015 at 6:41 PM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar

Q: How many eco journalists/activists/politicians can you fit in a plane?

A: Depends how nice the conference location.

Dec 18, 2015 at 6:52 PM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar

Q: What is the difference between a life model and a climate scientist?

A: One models their curves for cash, oh hang on...

Dec 18, 2015 at 7:00 PM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar

How does Santa's vest keep him warm?

Because it's infra-red.

(I propose the Greenhouse Effect be renamed the Santa's Vest Effect.)

Dec 18, 2015 at 7:04 PM | Unregistered Commenterrotationalfinestructure

Q: What's the difference between Santa Clause and CO2?

A: One has magical powers that can do anything, explains whatever is found in the morning and comes down the chimney. The other goes up it.

Dec 18, 2015 at 7:58 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

Surprisingly high standard chaps, quite a few chuckles there. Keep 'em coming.

Q: {Anything at all} (Ted Cruz)

A: We concur with the preponderance of the evidence and the science at 97%

Dec 18, 2015 at 8:24 PM | Registered CommenterSimonW

Q: What do Rudolph the Reindeer and Pinocchio both have in common with a NOAA temperature map?

A: The noses.
NOAA temperature maps get redder and redder like Rudolph's nose.
And the red parts get bigger and bigger like Pinocchio's nose.
And for the same reason too.

Dec 18, 2015 at 9:44 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

Q: What do you call it when Monckton and Ridley double-check a document?

A: Peer review

Q: Why was Ben in disguise?

A: He was being a Secret Santer.

Q: Why don't people trust climate modellers?

A: They talk out of their aerosols.

Q: What did George Bernard Shaw call a climate scientist and his alter ego?

A: Mann and Super-Mann

Q: What do you call an ovine submariner?

A: U-Boat Lamb.

Q: What do you call eleven degrees of freedom?

A: Myles away.

Dec 18, 2015 at 10:02 PM | Unregistered Commentergraphicconception

Q: How do you define the word "trick"?

A: Whatever a "climate scientist"™ says it is

Dec 18, 2015 at 11:40 PM | Registered CommenterHilary Ostrov

Q: Was the "Inconvenient Truth" a factual documentary?

A: No, it was just allegory.

Dec 19, 2015 at 4:06 AM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar

Q: What did Michael Mann want for xmas?

A: A bike with no bell..

(might have to think about that one)

Dec 19, 2015 at 4:13 AM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar