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Discussion > Climate Change Christmas Cracker Jokes

There must be some good ones out there...?

Dec 18, 2015 at 12:25 PM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar

What do you call five conspiring scientists huddled in a room together with red pens?
Peer review.

Dec 18, 2015 at 12:39 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

How do you mix a climate change cocktail?... with plenty of ice, as however you mix it, it always ends up warmer.

Dec 18, 2015 at 12:59 PM | Unregistered CommenterMedia Hoar

Why is the german hockey stick shapes like a sausage?

Because it's wurst than we thought.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:07 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

Why are climate scientists smelly?

They always forget about aerosols.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:19 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

Michael Mann's Hockey Stick Graph.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:19 PM | Unregistered Commentergolf charlie

Why do climate scientists not believe in reindeers?

They see no sign of a paws.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:26 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

What's a climate scientist's favourit carol?

Yamal all ye faithful

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:27 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

Come on, I can't do it all by myself.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:27 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

The Met office say that next year will be the warmist year eva

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:29 PM | Unregistered CommenterLord Beaverbrook

Q: How many polar bears does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Can't be done. There can't be any polar bears without a light bulb as if you don't look at them they don't exist.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:39 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

Inspired by TheBigYinJames on Dec 18, 2015 at 12:39 PM:

What do you call five conspiring scientists huddled together, all at sea?

Pier review.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:41 PM | Registered CommenterRobert Christopher

Lewandowsky's latest paper sampled a group with a total of no noses. How does it smell?

Fishy.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:41 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

Q: What do they eat at Christmas in Tiljander?

A: Upside-Down Cake.

Copyright - M Mann.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:44 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

What do 97% of climate scientists agree with will rise rapidly this year?
Their grant applications.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:44 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

Why can you always sunbathe with a climate scientist?
They don't do clouds.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:46 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

Q: How do you get into the mind of a Climatologist?

A: Through a Climate-gate.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:46 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

What do climate scientists and historians have in common?
They both big up the past.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:48 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

Q: Why did the Climatologists fall down a mountain?

A: Because they had hid the incline.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:49 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

I need to lie down now.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:49 PM | Unregistered CommenterTheBigYinJames

This is hard.
I'll have one last go.

Q: What does a climatologist say when proven they have no understanding of history, statistics, meteorology, astrophysics, hydrology, epidemiology, biology, chemistry, economics or politics?

A: ...and then there's physics.

Dec 18, 2015 at 1:53 PM | Registered CommenterM Courtney

What's the difference between weather and climate?
You can't weather a tree, but you can climate!

http://www.die-klimaschutz-baustelle.de/new_global_warming_jokes.html

Dec 18, 2015 at 2:14 PM | Registered CommenterRobert Christopher

I've got a climate joke....

The Paris Conference....!

Dec 18, 2015 at 2:21 PM | Unregistered Commentersherlock1

Q: Would you like a Climate Change Cocktail? It's made with lots of ice, but it always ends up warmer.

Q: How many polar bears does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What's a light bulb?

Dec 18, 2015 at 2:52 PM | Registered CommenterRobert Christopher

How many polar bears, and how much Arctic Sea Ice does it take to sink a climate science theory?

Answers please, on separate post cards to : The Guardian, BBC, and the IPCC

(Top Tip just guess the biggest numbers you can think of, just as Science experts do at the IPCC, BBC and Guardian)

The winner will receive a Nobel Prize for outstanding fiction.

Dec 18, 2015 at 3:23 PM | Unregistered Commentergolf charlie