Love your children

Every child at my elder son's nursery has received a leaflet from the Scottish Children's Commissioner or somesuch. This masterpiece of state-sponsored tosh is to be passed on to their parents. It's a remarkable document. Try this for example:

Love your children 

• Be affectionate, hug and kiss them
• Tell them good things about themselves and others
• They will feel more secure and learn how to treat others in a positive way
  

Who would have guessed it? I am now a new man and am now fully resolved to love my children. (I'm not sure about all that kissing though. Sounds most unhygienic). Or how about this:

Weapons are dangerous!

• Never allow your children near weapons
• Explain the dangers and consequences of using or carrying weapons

That puts paid to the baby's shotgun then. He will be disappointed.

The Scottish Children's Commissioner costs approximately £1 million every year. In their annual report we learn that some of this largesse has been lavished on:

development of the SCCYP website as a major interactive tool for communicating with children and young people.

And sure enough,  we find that the website has made it possible for small Scottish children to send poems and stories to their friendly neighbourhood bureaucrats. So far there have been two poems sent in, one called Fair Freedom and the other "Racist???". Unfortunately nobody has managed to send in any stories yet. Perhaps they're all busy on the discussion boards?

But there is no sign of Scottish schoolchildren flocking there either - the discussion board has now reached the sum total of eleven threads, on subjects as diverse as smacking and the minimum wage.

"Send in your suggestions", invites the SCCYP. Perhaps readers would like to oblige.
 

Comments

[Carlotta]

"Love your children

Be affectionate, hug and kiss them
Tell them good things about themselves and others
They will feel more secure and learn how to treat others in a positive way"

Where on earth would one start! There are so many basic errors of thinking in these two small paragraphs, you could write a book on it. I haven't cringed so much for a long, long time.

[Pete Darby]

Of course, if we find you hugging and kissing your children, you may be investigated on suspicion of pedophilia.

Love, hugs & kisses, The Govt.

[Bishop Hill]

It's all right Pete, they'll have a camera on you to make sure there's nothing untoward going on.