RR your approval means alot. Actually the bit about my podiatrist's information was true.

Daily Express - Gove set for Tory Leadership - yeah? Boy has this guy got form! Remember Boris?
Here

Yuppy revolt predicted against overbearing government action to ban single-use plastic stirrers. Nero, Starbucks and Pret-a-mange in central London's financial district all report massive raids upon their supplies of the much treasured items. "Like serviettes, we have to limit stirrers one to a customer". There are scattered reports from outlying parts of London, like Westminster, of stirrer raids. A spokesperson, who demanded anonymity, said that the forthcoming ban was unnecessary and would be resisted. "It is not right that those who, all their working life have been able to enjoy the subtle taste of plasiciser when they scoop up the remaining froth from their expresso will now be denied this privilege -all for a few stupid penguins". Pollsters predict massive losses in Tory constituencies in forthcoming London elections. Posters on plastic sticks already have appeared in parts of Kensington (some in Russian) upon this sensitive issue.

To all those dreadfully afeared of losing access to those essential life-affirming items, now at risk because of intemperate and irresponsible Tory government action, I have very good news from my podiatrist -- detailed plans are afoot ( pun intended) to design, manufacture, and distribute (no doubt firstly to trained professionals) wooden cotton buds. This naturally will put at risk ever more of Virginia's forests, but perhaps Drax could be put to use in burning the used items instead of those magical wood chips that are as good as coal. The ear wax will increase the calorific content. Refuse pickup practices will need to be overhauled with the distribution of special used-cotton-bud-receptacles (UCBRs). Don't tell me the Tory government isn't innovative in creating new job opportunities.
Hear the cry - "Britain leads the way in being wooden!"