This was provided to me by Phillip Bratby.
Letter from Bob Ward Junior (chief scientific advisor to the Department for Climate Change and Energy (DCCE)) to the Secretary of State for Climate Change and Energy, Ed Miliband Junior.
December 2031
Dear Ed,
First of all congratulations on being the youngest ever MP appointed at the age of 16 and, following your degree in political communication, being appointed the youngest ever Minister of State at the age of 19.
It is my duty and honour to give you a scientific briefing following your appointment.
As you are aware, climate change remains the biggest threat that the country faces and global cooling is still accelerating. Climate scientists have been saying this for over 40 years. In 2015, computers at the UN were hacked into by fossil-fuel industry shills and the first five IPCC Assessment Reports were changed by these climate deniers to show that so-called “greenhouse gases” (the pollutant carbon dioxide) emitted by the fossil fuel industry were beneficially warming the planet. On his appointment as Minister of Justice at the UN World Government, now located in the UN country of The Bahamas, your father Viscount Miliband had the reports changed back to their original form showing that human emissions of so-called “greenhouse gases” were in fact cooling the planet. This is due to the remarkable ability of carbon dioxide to emit infra-red radiation out to space and cause planetary cooling. The back-radiation and surface heating that climate deniers were advocating was shown by top climate scientists to violate the laws of physics.
Climate scientists’ computer models have always been predicting cooling as a result of positive feedbacks on the cooling effect of “greenhouse gases” and this has now been vindicated by evidence. Indeed, archive film from the BBC shows top climate scientist Sir Phil Jones stating in 2009 in an interview with Lord Shukman that “for the past 15 years there has been no statistically significant warming”. Incidentally, Sir Phil has just retired from his post as Emeritus Professor of Statistics at the Huhne Climate Institute.
At the US Congressional Inquiry in 2024, Professor Michael Mann, speaking from his retirement home at Miami (now unfortunately 50 miles from the sea), said “contrarians and shills for the fossil industry in an unprecedented attack on science attempted to hide the decline in global temperatures by plotting my iconic and Nobel Prize winning hockey-stick graph upside down to show warming rather than cooling. This is clearly evident in the book “The Hockey Stick Illusion” by contrarian Andrew Montford, where my iconic and Nobel Prize winning hockey-stick graph is shown inverted”.
Incidentally, the leaders of the climate change denial conspiracy (mostly based in California, Canada, Scotland, Yorkshire and Australia) are now a part of history.
In 2014 Scotland was granted independence from the United Kingdom and promptly closed its remaining conventional power stations. Unfortunately the cooling was much more severe than predicted by some climate models and the glaciation of the Cairngorms and Highlands was so rapid that the three years without a summer, coupled with collapse of the electricity supply, resulted in massive starvation, hypothermia and complete depopulation. The likelihood of climate refugees had been correctly predicted by climate scientists many years earlier.
As you know, my father (President Bob Ward of Tuvalu) was able to buy the island at a knock-down price following propaganda from climate deniers that it was about to disappear under the rising sea level. The existing population unfortunately relocated to Alaska, being fooled by the deniers into thinking it was going to become a green and pleasant land, rather than be swallowed up by the northern polar icecap, which now extends from Greenland through Canada, Alaska, Siberia, Scandinavia and Iceland. Tuvalu is now expanding at the rate of several hundred meters per year as the sea level falls and has an ever-expanding capacity for beach-front property developments to sell to climate refugees.
The last few years have seen the ice sheets over the Pennines, Lake District and Wales thicken and expand at the rate of several miles per year (as predicted by climate scientists), but we continue to feed the diminished population with food grown in real greenhouses on the expanding south coast. The climate refugees from the rest of the UK remain a problem and the dwindling population in the south is now reliant on electricity from the aging nuclear power station at Sizewell, some power from France (when there aren’t conflicts over where the boundary between France and England lies) and intermittent electricity from the wind turbines (when they are not frozen solid). The shale gas that climate deniers were advocating back in 2011 now fortunately lies inaccessible under the Lancashire ice sheet.
The independent Committee on Climate Change recently held its 400th meeting under the chairmanship of elder statesman Viscount Clegg. With the 2050 carbon budget of an 80% reduction by 2050 having been met in 2024 and 100% reduction being met in 2027, they are still grappling with the thorny issue of what the next target should be. They expect to produce a report within the next 4 years after another public consultation.
One issue that you must resolve in the next 6 months is the Met Office request for £3bn for a new supercomputer to replace the one they received in 2025. They wish to locate it at their new offices at the 500acre campus on the British Virgin Islands in the Carribean, where the 8,000 Met Office staff have been relocated following the winter of 2026 when none of them were able to access the old offices in Exeter due to the prolonged white-out.
As you know, I spend most of my time on behalf of your Government commuting between the UN climate change conferences held every few months in Singapore and Sri Lanka. Several thousand of the world’s top climate scientists still meet regularly to discuss the science and what should done to mitigate climate change. I do not have much time to return to London to give you a personal briefing, but you can rest assured that you are welcome to visit me any time at my father’s palace in Tuvalu.
Yours ever,
Bob Ward Junior